She’s back back back after her sabbatical (ahem cough cough boob job cough) to answer your Eurovision woes. Yes folks your only Eurovision Agony Aunt, Sheila Fitzpatrick is back in action.
Dear Aunty, What do you think about Jedward’s entry? I personally love it, but I’m afraid that people will find where I live and do nasty things to me because of that. Any advise?
Anonymous from Kerry
Yes my dear I have advice. STAY in KERRY and STAY ANONYMOUS. It will be safer!! Jeez you take a few months off from Eurovision you come back and suddenly it seems the WHOLE country has an opinion on Eurovision. I never realised that many people were interested. I just thought it was only me you and a few other fabulous people.!!!! For me personally I hate Jedwards the singers butLOVE Jedward the package. And lets not be snobbish Ireland we did send a bloody turkey already and Dustin as well (relax Linda Martin I love you really…well more the Twink does anyways…tee hee). Going by last year, I mean Lena is no great shakes in the vocal department and she won. So I say lets relax watch the “LIVE” performances and enjoy the Grimes brothers. Christ can you imagine the puiblicity sending 2 blonde twins to Germany !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…But its definitely not a foregone conclusion.
p.s. Put you address up here and let people come down to Kerry ……..Its nice having nasty things done to you sometimes lol xx
Aunty, Are you going to Dusseldorf this year? Will it be with bells and ribbons on as well?
John form Cork
John who have you been talking to! Its true I am going to Dusseldorf and yes it will be with bells, ribbons, make up false breasts and eye lashes and pretty much anything else I can get on my person to get me noticed……….If I dont get to sing backing vocals and sit in the green room I will vomit………..I mean who wouldn’t want Madoona Lucia and myself up there oooohhhhhiinnnnnnng and aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhiiing our cold balck hearts out for all of europe to see………I think we would fit really well in with the Vard sisters dont you. ???? its also (on the qt) my 21st birthday.
Ahem… So muti parties for the week I am there, we have a gaggle of people going from Limerick including …gays/lesbians/fag bangles/curios a few alco’s and down right weirdos ( I love you dearly Sarah Jane Lynch but your a weirdo ). So if Ireland dont make the left hand side of the score board on saturday night…they will have the Limerick contingent to deal with and that aint pretty……I mean have you seen Madonna Lucia at the end of a night -Frightening. I am really lookign forward to it…..Pity we are staying in a shed though……….Geez the price of a bed in Dusseldorf is scandalous.
If you could bring back one country, or get a new country to join Eurovision which one would it be?
Oh toughie. Alan I am so thrilled italy are back but a class of raging they got straight into the final. I bet you the Russians are furious. But all things considered I think Luxembourg were good in their day and lets be honest nobody really knows them for anything else or even where it is other then Eurovision and would you ever feck off with the new countries, havent we enough of em? T’would be funny though to have some of the midlle east countries in like the Lebanon or Syria, can u imagine the stand off between them and the Israelis at the venue. T’would be like Tipp and Cork in the hurling !!!!!!!!!
If you have any questions for Aunty Sheila then please leave a comment below.
Aunty is back in her final installment before Gay Christmas. If you have any problems or have any questions that Aunty can help with then please submit them here.
I seem to get a hang up on quite frankly shitty europoppers like Scooch, Wolves of the Sea and Josh Dubovie. At times I even Catch myself humming ‘Cry cry baby, baby bye, baby bye bye’ Is There something wrong with me? Is there anything to be done about this?
Oh dear………….Sindre YES there is something wrong with you.I am afraid you have been bitten by the “euroshite” bug and NO luckily for you there is no cure.Yes all us Eurovision geeks know that,(thinks to herself now how will I put this nicely……………Some of the songs are shite.!!!)
“A percentage of the entries would not be of a very high standard musically or lyrically.”
You have mentioned some right stonkers and some might say classics there for sure………..
but what about Xandee and 1 Life
Gina G Oh Ah Just a little bit
Sylvia Night and Congratulations
Sirusho and Quele Quele
…………I bet you know those ones as well don’t you !!!!!.
Yes for all the “too good” for Eurovision songs we are told about ah la
Lane Moija from Serbia and Montenegro
Its My time by Jade Ewan(too good for Eurovision my fake arse )
and that very boring thing from Lithuania with the hat and the flame in his hand last year ,there is always a couple of ditties to keep us entertained.
With there normally pathetic lyrics the pre school kids could remember (and probably sing better for that matter) the OTT costumes and dance routines and an over exposure to pyrotechnics and wind machines
Sure wouldn’t it be a dreadfully boring show with out them……….
Long live the “euroshite” I say.
Now be a good girl , get out your old battery operated keyboard and sing with me and Sieneke from the Netherlands “Shalalie shalala, shalalie shalala
Het gaat niet uit m’n kop”
It has to be this years classic.
Peter from Cork
Dia dhuit a Sheila!I was wondering, of all the 39 entries this year,which are the ones you really don’t like? I find myself loving, liking or tolerating most songs every year; there are very few I actually hate. So are there any songs in 2010 that you cannot abide listening to?
Dia’s Muire dhuit Pheadair
Oh my gaeilge is flawless………
You know when all the national finals were being held I was like “uuuuuugggggggg”,”brutal”,”hopeless”, “NUL points” for a lot of this years entries however over the last few weeks some of them have grown on me like a fungus.
Always a fan of Ireland of course and isn’t the dance remix brilliant ???,Denmark,Azerbaijan,Israel,Iceland,Slovakia,Cyprus and Armenia .I still love em.
But have to be honest and the following have been deleted from my MP3(its not really an mp3 Madonna Lucia was on a budget one year and I got a “Yashaki” player for Christmas ……………D.)Russia,Estonia,Slovenia,Malta,Portugal, FYR Macedonia,Serbia(which I am not getting at all) and Ukraine…Sweet People ??????Sweet Jesus !!!!!!
From Euroskeptic Shane,
What specifically about the Eurovision keeps you interested? As I can’t see the long term attraction what keeps you coming back.
Shane am horrified !!!!!!! but You are not alone in this way of thinking.For me the Eurovision is probably the best thing to follow…….I have been a fan since I remember Jonny Logan winning in 1980(I know its hard to believe I am around that long).I remember it was the only thing Ireland ever won the only thing we were reasonably good at on an international scale.(now maybe we were doing good in rugby/soccer etc but being a gayer I never was that interested in that).
That is where I started out with Eurovision and the bug has just grown and grown (just like my waistline) in the past 30 years.It was great to see us doing well nearly every year and the excitement on the night waiting for Ireland to come on was addictive.Then we had the glory years during the 90’s where every man and his dog was interested in Eurovision from an Irish perspective. I have to admit I fell out of love with Eurovision for a while in the early noughties.I was after meeting my first boyfriend who was way too cool for school, and laughed at Eurovision.And of course me trying to be cool and make an impression on him agreed and went along with the charade.To be honest with those dreadful Estonian and Latvian winners in 2001 and 2002 I don’t think I missed anthing.Also this was the start of the decline for Ireland with the dirge we were sending.After waking up to this imbecile I was seeing and dumping his snobby ass ,Eurovision came back in to my life in 2003 and Sertab’s Everyway that I can , literally took my breath away and got me back interested in the contest.Since then it has been non - stop.
Every year from Jan to May my mouse is forever clicking on www.allkindsofeverything.ie
and now thanks to this new and wonderful site www.escireland.com I will have another fantastic website to while away those long winter months.Its amazing how passionate , dedicated/insane the fans are.There is always someone to talk about it .You get to make new friends and each and every year the excitement keeps getting more and more intense.
I have made some fantastic friends down to Eurovision and lets face it if there wasn’t Eurovison Sheila would have no material and wouldn’t be around (and don’t you dare say ….Sure what harm would that be ? you cheeky beggar)
All in all Eurovision is one massive family or a “cult” .
I should introduce you to Madonna Lucia …………She was a total Euroskeptic until I converted her a few years ago now she is nearly as psychotic as me !!!!!
Sheila I know you’ve been to your fair share of Eurovisions, what do find to be the best thing about the festivities in the host cities?
Oh dear Jesus I could be here all night with this one.
The one and only reason to go to Eurovision has to be the people.
You have fans/supporters/media/mayors/celebrities / song writers and performers from nearly 40 countries in the same place for 2 weeks all doing the same thing and with the same goal in mind.
The buzz you get is amazing.
I remember Athens 2006 with particular love.
We stopped in Budapest for 2 nights before we went to Athens and it was the sorriest thing I did.
We should have been in Greece for the whole week.From arrival at the airport to leaving 3 days later the place was “covered” in Eurovision.
All the locals get caught up in the mood as well.
I remember leaving the Olympic stadium after Lordi won and getting the train back into central Athens.
There was thousands of people at the station from every corner of Europe and beyond
The singing was mighty , the craic was mighty.
Who would’nt enjoy that.
I remember myself and ML walking down the street of Athens red light district at 4 o clock in the morning with 3 belgians,2 armenians and some germans in their “no no never costumes”and us in full drag and barefoot
and I just remember saying to myself This is special……..
I am sure the official parties are fantastic as well but suffice to say ……any of the cities will be brilliant and I think especially the smaller cities ah la Oslo will be just Eurovision heaven .
Go enjoy…………its worth it all.
P.S. On a totally separate note .Make sure you read ML’s online “FAG” magazine this week where you can read my exclusive interview with our own fair Niamh Kavanagh.
(Maybe the guys here might put it up online for me here.)
Roll on the semi final till we see our girl have a “dry run” and make sure you tune in for the final on sat where we all might get the win we want/need/and deserve.
You may even see some familiar faces during the interval act(wink).
If you have any problems or have any questions that Aunty can help with then please submit them here.
Aunties back Darlings!!! She took time out of her busy schedule of flash dances and packing her wigs for Oslo to answer your questions. Don’t you feel special you lucky lucky people
If you have any problems or have any questions that Aunty can help with then please submit them here.
Stephen from Cork.
My question is if you could choose to have 5 Eurovision stars at a dinner party, (living or dead), that you would throw (which would no doubt be spectacular, 3 courses), who would they be, why and what would you cook?
Hi Stephen ………….Am glad you said would be spectacular……NO Doubt
And 5 is too small for my Eurovision dinner party so I would ask a few more
1 Sertab Erener from Turkey……Cos she is tiny and wouldn’t take up too much space.
2. Charlotte Nielson/Perille from Sweden……..Cos she “smiles” all the time
3. Dana International from Israel…………..No explanation needed
4. Angelica Agurbash from Belarus………….The only other woman I know who can match me for costume changes
5. Ramon from Spain……………………..Shirtless and serving the drinks.
6.Lena Phillipson and Carola ……………Just to see the Swedish Diva catfight
7. Verka ………………………..Just to tell her to GET OFF MY LOOK BITCH !!!!!!
8. Dustin the Turkey………….We will put a sign around his neck labelled “what were we thinking “
9. Masha and Pascha from Kiev 2005 the funniest and drollest hosts ever…..” I am close to heart attack” CLASSIC
10. Lordi from Finland to keep everyone distracted whilst I take Sakis from Greece upstairs to show him my”Shake Shake Shake”moves ….and hopefully this is our night ….ahem !!!
As for food with that “pot pourri” of Eurovision greatness I would not be cooking….Champagne and Strawberries all the way.
Would love to invite Chiara from Malta but am afraid there would be no table big enough for both her and me….tee hee !!!!
Yet another Stephen from Cork (What are we doing, breeding clones down here?)
Will Ireland ever win Eurovision again?
Ahhh Stephen you fabulously curious Euro freak..In a nutshell of course we will !!!!!
Have faith To be honest up to 2007 I though we would never again get to the top
But after the shennanigans of Ukraine with Wild Dances and the Lordi Monsters from Finland I thought the contest was going down the road of just performance and what the viewers see rather then hear (although I thought both of those entries were good ones)
However in 2007 a fantastic singer with an uber fabulous ballad from Serbia bought the contest back to basics Excellent singer excellent song I know the Serbs got some highly partisan votes from neighbours etc and the songs staging definitely helped them but you have to admit it was an uplifting song and deffo one of my favourite winners EVER The ballad has made a spectacular come back…….
Look at Iceland last year Again a fantastic entry and in my eyes probably would have been a better winner then the fiddle playing Belarusian I think we in Ireland lost the run of ourselves in 2004-2008 with our less then worthy entries (although I loved Donna and Joe)I think in 2009 with Black Daisy we are getting it right again and this year …..well what can I say Excellent singer excellent song.
We have our best chance this year in a long time and if Niamh performs well which I am sure she will , we get a good draw in the final and are kept away from the Norwegian entry ….do not be a bit surprised to be hearing Niamh opening next years show in the 02 (or Thomond Park).
John from Birmingham
Dear Sheila, I want to be able to dance like Måns Zelmerlöw, I would ask for dancing lessons off of him but the barring order says I cannot get within 100 feet of him. What’s a boy to do?
Dear John a barring order wouldn’t stop me getting near that sexy little “MANS”…..YUMMY………….and I am surprised you being from Birmingham letting a little thing like that get in the way….you brummies are normally very “resourceful”..Believe me I know !!!!
But fret not young John….here are my top tips for getting up close and personal with Mr Zemlerlow.
- Wash your wig
- Put on your slap
- Get your stilettos out from the back of the wardrobe
- Put on your most fabulous dress
- Bring your portable wind machine and set it on “hurricane force” and get yourself over the Mans house
- Pretend you are Carola and that you want to do a duet for next years Melodifestivalen
- Within no time I am sure you will be doing a fantastic 2 step together
Well that’s what happened to Andreas Johnson allegedly.
If you have any problems or have any questions that Aunty can help with then please submit them here.
Aunty is back Darlings! She got stuck in Iceland for the last week and you’ll all be glad to know that all charges have now been dropped. Any rumours of volcanic eruptions and her coincidental visit have now been quashed…
Peter from Cork asks:
“I often find the dancers to be the main attraction at Eurovision; I’m thinking of last year’s centurions for Ukraine. Why do i seem to focus on the gyrating men in the background and not the person singing their hearts out?”
Peter my dear I ask what is the problem with this ?
To answer your question I will take a two pronged answer.
Yes the “Anti Crisis Girl” was nothing short of a prozzy onstage….but the men more then made up for her performance.YUMMY…and what about helena’s greek lads a few years back pppphhhhooooaaaarrrr !!!!!
of course its not always the case.
Remember Kenan Dougulu from turkey …that cheeky little scamp could “shake it up shikarem” me any time….never once looked at the dancers….and I know you may find this strange but lead singer with Greenjolly from the Ukraine in 2005 was a bit of a meat head but he deffo turned my head that year and I didn’t even notice the “cute” jailbait hip hop dancers onstage with him. Of course who can forget sakis…..and shake shake shake…….again I didn’t even see the 2 bit hookers stripping him on stage….and who can forget Mr Unibrow Alexander from last year…..I never thought I would find unibrows and a fiddle attractive…….but my that lad could work it…….again the 2 blonde barefoot backers in pink didn’t even register in my brain……apart from their fabulous hair of course and the “tra la’s”……lol.
If of course both the singer and the dancers are woeful you are in trouble….
Who said “Dervish”
Some of the singing is crap and the dancers are the only thing going for the performance………………Angelica Agurbash / Sibel Tuzun anyone !!!
Stephen from Cork:
“Why do I always end up knowing the words to all the Eurovision Songs every year?”
Hi Stephen…………Your like me…………I even know the words of all the “foreign” language song which is great fun to listen to.
You should hear my version of “Molitva” its flawless.
Now to answer your question again , there are two possible answers.
A good eurovision song especially the chorus should be remembered after 1 listen.
Some are so easy 5 year olds in primary school would remember em…..i.e.”Dinga ding dong”………”La La la”………”Love” !!!”and the song that every 5 year old child in primary school should be singing….”Diva” .
Then we move on to the song titles generally always repeated repeated and repeated they are made that way to stick in your brain….
”Im in love with a fairytale”…….
“Rock and roll angels bring thine hard rock hallelujah”
“You are the one you’re my number 1”
”Every way that I can.”
Bet you know all those ones don’t you ?
Yes indeed a good eurovision song is made to stick in your brain.
If its brutal it wont stick in your brain.
For example I bet you don’t know the words to “Tyolki ellaa” from Finland this year…
One reason …………its shite !!!!!!
And answer number 2 to your question……………………………………………….
Your queer dear !!!!!!!!
Michael from Dublin:
“Sheila I’m torn between going to Oslo and staying at home and getting drunk on vodka, any advice?”
Oh darling Michael (I love that name Michael), why not have the best of both worlds….Go to Oslo and get drunk on vodka there!!
To anyone who hasn’t made a eurovison song contest before…if you have to sell your mother and father to go DO IT.
It is the most fun you will ever have with your clothes on ….
And with the amount of Mary’s that go to it you will of course get a chance to get your clothes off as well.
I realise Oslo is scandalously expensive but as I said it would be well worth your while…even if you cant get a ticket for the show itself.
Somewhere like Oslo will be Eurovision-mad and craic will be had everywhere in the city.
If all else fails and you are stuck here in Ireland – unfortunately the vast majority of Irish people don’t “get” the eurovision – so a night out to see the competition can sometimes be a bit of a let down …fabulous glamour on one screen and ‘Prime Time’ on the other….disgraceful…….
So my advice would be get to the offie , have the dinner at half five , so you have a free run of the evening, invite all the euro geeks/nerds (and me) , get sloshed and enjoy the best night of the year.
Note to self …..check ebay and see how the bids are going for Mam and Dad.
Hi Eurovision freaks and geeks………………..It’s me your favourite Eurowhore here……..Aunty Sheila…….I have had loads of jobs in my time but agony aunt for Eurovision has to be my favourite……!!!!!!!!!!!
Any queries , concerns ,worries or criticism are welcome and hopefully I can put your minds to rest over all kinds of everything !!!
There is no clear winner this year and I can’t make up my mind. Please help as it is all terribly confusing, how do I choose my song? Is there anyone I avoid like the pox?
Oh dear , I feel your pain………….I felt the very same while all the National finals were going on. There I was on any given night , internet ready , me poised to get an Ani Lorak,Carola,Charlotte or Urban Symphony esque performance to follow and cheer and learn for my next performance . Alas how disappointed was I ???
But all was not lost after a few weeks and listening to all the entries I eventually came up with quite a few hotties to follow.
Azerbaijan and Drip Drop this year is quite commercial and very easy on the ear.
For a bit of a boogie with the glow sticks everybodies favourite Hera from Iceland would have you bopping in the aisles.
For a throw back to the eighties and for the fact that they love their Eurovison so much you could do a lot worse then Cheer on Denmark’s “In a moment like this !”
For an ethnic /bastardised euro tune…..Opa from Greece will keep you happy or if you have soft spot for the easy listening latch onto Jonny from Cyprus or even Tom Dice with his guitar !!!!
And if your still at a loss do the patriotic thing and support our own red haired Diva chanteuse….Niamh Kavanagh.
This is our BEST entry for years and provided the “drag queen” rig out is dumped for the semi final, I fully expect to see us sailing into Saturdays final with a strong top 5 finish and if the gods (and the juries) are smiling on us a possible surprise win !!!!
So do your patriotic duty and dust off that tricolour flag you have been hiding since Italia ’90 and be out and proud for our girl.!
Remember YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU !!!!
As for to avoid like the pox…………..Russia , The UK and Slovenia
…………Nuff said….. UTTER SHITE
Could Ireland ever have a Melodifestivalen event or are we just not fabulous enough for it?
Speak for yourself sweetie !!!!!!!!!OF course we could have a Melodifestivalen event.I mean we have the ever fabulous All Ireland Talent Show don’t we ?
(insert expletives here)
Picture the venues Thomond Park, The 02 , The New Aviva Stadium , The Green Glens in Millstreet , The INEC in Killarney
Picture the presenters Yours truly of course……….who else would you be thinking of?
Picture the interval acts….Veda Beaux Reeves , Ms Panti , Riverdance (AGAIN) Crystal Swing ,
Picture the acts maybe doing various styles on a particular night.
Traditional Music 1 night (possibly in Killarney this would work best)
Cheese/Europop in the 02 of course
Dance for all the pill monsters
Ballads of course in the Green Glen
One winner every night then 2 wildcards and what a fabulous final we could have in Croker !!!!!
(me presenting of course)
In order to do this we will need to change broadcasters ……….TG4 do a lovely Glas Vegas programme ..guffawwwwwwww.
In a nutshell YES we are fabulous enough………….Believe it !!!!!!!!
How gay is too gay for Eurovision ?
Gay and Eurovision go together hand in hand .Through the years we have had the gayers ( too man to mention here)
The lessers (Serbia 2007)
drag queens like D.Q. and Angelica Agurbash ,
a fabulous transsexual Dana……sorry Dana International
Queer air crew a la Scooch and Sestre ,
the unsure like Sakis (tee hee)
note to Sakis BODY POPPING IS UNCOOL ONCE YOU ARE OVER 18 and ………….male
and even Deen “In the disco” from Bosnia Herzegovina
but nothing has or ever will compare to
HUNGARY 2009 Zoli Adak and “Dance with me”
Jesus that boy even made me in the frock the heels the bra the tights the fake lashes and the giant pus of make up look butch……I mean the second skin pink vest top and the green flares………PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSEEEE
Yes I do fear that Zoli was indeed TOO gay for Eurovision.
(even gayer then Sylvia Nightt !!!!!)
If you have any problems or have any questions that Aunty can help with then please submit them to here