Forgotten Gems: Killing Me Tenderly

What a flawed masterpiece this was.

With some more appropriate styling och consulting Killing Me Tenderly could have been a real contender for Maria Haukass Storeng in Melodifestivalen 2009. Instead Maria had her head turned by a talentless ho-bag and was kicked out at Andra Chansen, dashing her dreams of becoming the 21st century Elisabeth Andreasson.

So, in honour of what could have been…

Fem (5) StylingOchConsulting Tips!

1. Ditch the hussy in the mini – Charlotte the harlot didn’t go down well in 2008, neither will Anna in 2009.

2. Ditch the Chicago-esque light boxes; sexually depraved prostitues do not match the mood of this song!

3. Maria love, you’ve got a great pair of lungs on you but a dancer you ain’t. We loved, loved, loved your little pointy moves as you stood still and belted out Hold On, Be Strong but what’s gotten into you now? You’re wandering around the stage aimlessly and every so often you’re grabbing your tits, shaking your well proportioned booty. You may be trying to look sultry but it’s all coming across a little Bernie from Ballinasloe after a few too many Bulmers…

4. Have you rubbed Baby Oil on your boobs? Too much Maria, too much!

5. Borrow Jade Ewan’s steps, violinists and get a sultry Swede to play Lord Webber’s piano. Or better yet, try and get Dirik Solli Tangen to join you in your treason against Norge. Make your sexy eyes at him but try and be a little more subtle than your lazerbeam-in-heat antics with Anna…

And their you have it. From Zero to Like a star, like a hero in Fem easy steps.